When we act on our intentions, they often have both a conscious and unconscious component. Many of us have excellent conscious intentions. We want to help, be supportive, and be kind. Unfortunately, our delivery may not align with the other person’s best interests or values.

I heard a saying that has stuck with me: “Kindness without honesty is manipulation. Honesty, without kindness, is brutality.” – author unknown.

~ Honesty is “the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness or fairness; and truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.” https://www.dictionary.com/browse/honesty
~To be honest is “being free of fraud and deception; genuine, real; humble, plain; marked by integrity; marked by free, forthright, and sincere expression; and direct and uncomplicated.”
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/honest

What do kindness and honesty have to do with intentions? We may feel we know what is best. Knowing is a conscious belief. On the surface, our intention is kind. When we explore the internal wants or needs driving our intention, things are usually much more complicated. If we have yet to tap into our self-awareness, unconscious motives and beliefs, and curiosity about our desire to act, we may not be fully honest with ourselves. If we are not honest with ourselves, we cannot be honest with others.

Navigating this can be tricky because it means questioning ourselves. When we examine ourselves and ask ourselves, “Why?” we may face uncomfortable feelings and sides of ourselves, which are easier to ignore than face. Without guidance and support, this exploration can lead to a spiral of overthinking.

Being curious about a topic from the past, present or future, negative or positive, and analyzing it from different perspectives and angles, learning and deducting information to move forward with more comprehension and information.

When we overthink an idea, curiosity and wonder become a pattern that may be considered an excessive analysis. Typically, when curiosity tips into overthinking, it’s in response to an idea, event, or decision involving multiple outcomes or consequences. 

When overthinking bleeds into rumination, it tends to involve thoughts and emotions about a past situation, something that feels like it can no longer be recovered, changed, or controlled. More often than not, rumination occurs in connection to challenging or painful events or emotions, but not always. People can fixate on positive experiences as well. Our society tends to punish or look down upon what is considered negative thinking; therefore, negative rumination is identified more often. 

At the other end of the spectrum is the concept of obsession. Obsession, based on the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition listed below, is typically characterized as a mental health concern. Personally, I do not believe all obsession is harmful. As with everything, there are many factors to take into account.  

Also, as with most things, most people move back and forth along this spectrum. Many of us find that when we start moving into overthinking and rumination, our lives, our energy, our thoughts, our mental health, and our time begin to be harmed in some way. They interfere with daily functioning and contribute to stress and anxiety.

Learning how to manage your own understanding of the curiosity to obsession spectrum, where you currently are, and where you want to be is important. There are various techniques that can be used to strengthen self-awareness, explore and challenge thought patterns, and more consciously participate in the internal process. 

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1) To overthink means “to think too much about (something): to put too much time into thinking about or analyzing (something) in a way that is more harmful than helpful.”

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/overthink

2) Rumination, as the American Psychiatric Association explains, “involves repetitive thinking or dwelling on negative feelings and distress and their causes and consequences. The repetitive, negative aspect of rumination can contribute to the development of depression or anxiety and can worsen existing conditions.”

https://www.psychiatry.org/News-room/APA-Blogs/Rumination-A-Cycle-of-Negative-Thinking

3) Curiosity means “desire to know: interest leading to inquiry.”

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/curiosity

 4) Obsession is “a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling.”

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/obsession